Nah, nah, I didn't forget. I couldn't read for the last week cause of the blind thing, but now...
[Now he had the time. He stares at her for a moment, before folding his arms - his eyes close as he frowns.]
I do have an answer. [A long pause. He seems to be thinking through something, trying to put it into words.] Those two kids...at first, they thought happiness was like, riches, and having stuff, and luxury.
[Another pause. His eyes open slightly - they're a strange color, yellow and blue in the same eye.]
...But in the end, happiness is shown to...not be that stuff. It ain't about riches. It's just about small stuff. Like the forest outside a window.
[Somehow, there's a warmth that instantly settles over her at that answer, her smile finally reaching her eyes.]
That's right.
When I first hear the story of Myltyl and Tyltyl from someone very dear to me, that was what I first took away from it, too. The search for the bluebird, in the end, led them right back to what they always had. I felt it was a way to say that... happiness is always closer than you think.
[She'll slide the book in front of her, opening up to The Blue Bird.]
But did you know there's another ending to the story?
[Yeah. He can see that. He's the Avatar of Greed, and even now, even here, there's a large part of him that bristles at the thought. He promotes the hunger and ambition one has to want more things such as money and valuable things. But happiness close to home? It seems almost foreign, and yet...]
[Hm.]
Really? What is it?
Edited (finish your tag idiot) 2020-03-02 00:40 (UTC)
So...wait. They went through all of that, and it just escapes? Just like that? [But...if happiness is closer than you think...] So what, was it all a lie? Happiness isn't that close after all? It just goes away? But why? How is that fair?
I had to think about that for a while myself, when I first found that out. Yes, it would mean that the moral completely reverses. In the end, when you've finally found happiness, that you'll only lose it again. It's fleeting and temporary.
But... it didn't really change how I felt.
I decided how I want to look at it. I think that... it's not a matter of being with or without something. Happiness is something you should always be looking for in your life, regardless of what you have or where you are... and it's in the act of pursuing happiness that will make you truly happy.
[He kind of looks disappointed. Happiness is...temporary? Well, he can see that. Its as temporary as a stock price or what something sells for. Its as temporary as money in the pocket, ready to burn.]
[But...it seems counterproductive. To always search for it, to always look for it, that's what he does, right? And yet, he's broke, he's in debt, he's strung around by everyone - the witches who summon him, his brothers - and it..it isn't that satisfying.]
...I get at what you're sayin'. But isn't it kinda like...like chasin' a rainbow? It looks great. You feel good. But you'll never reach it.
[He reaches out, taps over the illustration in the book.]
I know I'm kinda a hypocrite for sayin' this... [Because its been said to him, and he still hasn't learned, not really, even though internally he knows its the truth. Greed is like a bad habit. He can't break it. He never will, because that's what he IS. He will keep money and count it and then suddenly have the urge to throw it all away on something new and shiny. Demons are slaves to their temptations.] There's a phrase I keep hearin'.
[A beat.]
"Isn't one bird in the hand worth two in the bush...?"
Yes, I know that one. That's a rather common proverb.
I guess it's just in how you view it, though. If you're chasing the rainbow expecting to reach something tangible or life-changing... then yes, of course that's going to be temporary and unsatisfying. [It wasn't realistic, after all. Rainbows were about as fleeting of an occurance that you could get.]
But... it still doesn't change that there's always something beautiful about a rainbow. And chasing one down, even it just means enjoying it a little longer, makes for a fond memory. And that memory will come to light if you ever see one again.
That's what I think of. For people, or places, or conversations... I would rather enjoy it in the moment, and cherish that happy feeling.
[He's silent for a moment, because...that's exactly what he acts on, 24/7. That's always what he does.]
[In a way, Luna and him are...similar, aren't they? She chases experiences and memories, he supposes. He chases the high of the feeling of having something, and wanting more.]
[And deep down, he chases attention, and affection, and the feeling of being wanted, too.]
... [He scratches the back of his head, still trying to parse his feelings into words.] Yeah. I live like that, too. I guess it's not exactly like you, but...its like, things are only as exciting as the chase, y'know? Some days I think its stupid to chase a rainbow. I know I'll never reach it. But some days, I...I have to. That's the fun of it.
[He frowns.]
Man, now that you've got me thinkin' on it...I don't know what to think, anymore.
It's okay. It's a complicated subject. If it were so easy for everyone that you could just will yourself to think one way or another, then... I suppose things like depression or trauma or addiction wouldn't be quite as, um... debilitating. But that's not realistic. So... I think that questioning it, and figuring out what's important and how it really affects you and the people around you, and how you can be content with wherever you end up... that's something you don't have to rush through.
[Her smile grows sympathetic. She had a feeling this wouldn't be an entirely easy conversation, but she's not about to push it any farther.]
Still... you gave me my answer, and you found one for yourself. Thank you, Mammon.
You had questions about the information on my profile, correct?
Master Blue... is harder to determine. The facilitator of our game was anonymous as well. But he didn't go by Blue. He went by Zero. The only other assistant the participants could speak to was an AI named Zero the Third, who was completely computer based and only focused on making sure the rules were followed.
There's no proof it's even the same person. The current year seems to make that suspect enough. Even if it was the same person, there may be completely different aims in what they would want to do.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[Now he had the time. He stares at her for a moment, before folding his arms - his eyes close as he frowns.]
I do have an answer. [A long pause. He seems to be thinking through something, trying to put it into words.] Those two kids...at first, they thought happiness was like, riches, and having stuff, and luxury.
[Another pause. His eyes open slightly - they're a strange color, yellow and blue in the same eye.]
...But in the end, happiness is shown to...not be that stuff. It ain't about riches. It's just about small stuff. Like the forest outside a window.
[His voice is softer, somehow.]
Like...like your family.
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That's right.
When I first hear the story of Myltyl and Tyltyl from someone very dear to me, that was what I first took away from it, too. The search for the bluebird, in the end, led them right back to what they always had. I felt it was a way to say that... happiness is always closer than you think.
[She'll slide the book in front of her, opening up to The Blue Bird.]
But did you know there's another ending to the story?
no subject
[Yeah. He can see that. He's the Avatar of Greed, and even now, even here, there's a large part of him that bristles at the thought. He promotes the hunger and ambition one has to want more things such as money and valuable things. But happiness close to home? It seems almost foreign, and yet...]
[Hm.]
Really? What is it?
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In Maeterlink's original text, the story doesn't end with them waking up to find the bluebird.
When the children try to open the cage to feed the bird, it leaves the cage and flies away. It's there that the story really ends.
If that's the case... then that changes the moral learned.
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[It...flies away.]
So...wait. They went through all of that, and it just escapes? Just like that? [But...if happiness is closer than you think...] So what, was it all a lie? Happiness isn't that close after all? It just goes away? But why? How is that fair?
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But... it didn't really change how I felt.
I decided how I want to look at it. I think that... it's not a matter of being with or without something. Happiness is something you should always be looking for in your life, regardless of what you have or where you are... and it's in the act of pursuing happiness that will make you truly happy.
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[But...it seems counterproductive. To always search for it, to always look for it, that's what he does, right? And yet, he's broke, he's in debt, he's strung around by everyone - the witches who summon him, his brothers - and it..it isn't that satisfying.]
...I get at what you're sayin'. But isn't it kinda like...like chasin' a rainbow? It looks great. You feel good. But you'll never reach it.
[He reaches out, taps over the illustration in the book.]
I know I'm kinda a hypocrite for sayin' this... [Because its been said to him, and he still hasn't learned, not really, even though internally he knows its the truth. Greed is like a bad habit. He can't break it. He never will, because that's what he IS. He will keep money and count it and then suddenly have the urge to throw it all away on something new and shiny. Demons are slaves to their temptations.] There's a phrase I keep hearin'.
[A beat.]
"Isn't one bird in the hand worth two in the bush...?"
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I guess it's just in how you view it, though. If you're chasing the rainbow expecting to reach something tangible or life-changing... then yes, of course that's going to be temporary and unsatisfying. [It wasn't realistic, after all. Rainbows were about as fleeting of an occurance that you could get.]
But... it still doesn't change that there's always something beautiful about a rainbow. And chasing one down, even it just means enjoying it a little longer, makes for a fond memory. And that memory will come to light if you ever see one again.
That's what I think of. For people, or places, or conversations... I would rather enjoy it in the moment, and cherish that happy feeling.
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[He's silent for a moment, because...that's exactly what he acts on, 24/7. That's always what he does.]
[In a way, Luna and him are...similar, aren't they? She chases experiences and memories, he supposes. He chases the high of the feeling of having something, and wanting more.]
[And deep down, he chases attention, and affection, and the feeling of being wanted, too.]
... [He scratches the back of his head, still trying to parse his feelings into words.] Yeah. I live like that, too. I guess it's not exactly like you, but...its like, things are only as exciting as the chase, y'know? Some days I think its stupid to chase a rainbow. I know I'll never reach it. But some days, I...I have to. That's the fun of it.
[He frowns.]
Man, now that you've got me thinkin' on it...I don't know what to think, anymore.
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[Her smile grows sympathetic. She had a feeling this wouldn't be an entirely easy conversation, but she's not about to push it any farther.]
Still... you gave me my answer, and you found one for yourself. Thank you, Mammon.
You had questions about the information on my profile, correct?
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You're welcome? I guess?
[IS HIS ANSWER EXISTENTIAL CONFUSION????????????? THANK YOU LUNA????????????]
Yeah, I guess, though...everythin' seems so crazy now. I bet whatever you've been through isn't nearly as bonkers as like, Nikki bein' a wererat.
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I don't want to seem dishonest in that regard.
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Alright. [He leans on the chair, folding his arms.]
Let's hear it, then.
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Well... when you originally chased me down, it was to ask about the line of my occupation, correct? Do you remember what it said?
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Yeah. "Medical professional", "caretaker", and......."guilty party".
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That's right.
Did you know this isn't the first time I've been stuck in a situation like this?
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...Ya mean, walking up and having to deal with this whole weird murder game? That kind of situation?
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The last time wasn't quite this large. Only ten people. But it was very similar.
I think that's what my plaque meant when it said "participant."
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[Wait. That's what Isaac was talking about. She is the "someone else" who was in the middle of something related to murder.]
Was it in this house? Did you have to deal with Master Blue?
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Master Blue... is harder to determine. The facilitator of our game was anonymous as well. But he didn't go by Blue. He went by Zero. The only other assistant the participants could speak to was an AI named Zero the Third, who was completely computer based and only focused on making sure the rules were followed.
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That sounds nothin' like this. We don't even have computers. That just...seems really bizarre. Why not keep it the same?
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That's a little besides the point, though.
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[A shake of the head.]
Is there anyone else like you? Or anyone from the previous group?
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So...let me guess. The "guilty party" thing came from whatever you did in that group.
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